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This always makes me laugh. My grandmothers name was Flo. I liked visits from her, but not from my aunt Flo. Aunt Flo always brings me headaches. Nanny Flo always had nice chewy spearmint candies. Aunt Flo brings cramps, Nanny Flo brought Toys.

Why the hell cant Aunt Flo be nice? My daughter turned 11 months old yesterday, and of COURSE my dear Aunt Flo had to pay me a visit for the first time since JoHannah was born.

Whoever invented this menstruation crap is an ass. I don’t think that bleeding every 28 days for 5 days is very fun. It is messy, sticky, smelly and GROSS. I want to crawl into bed with a bottle of Midol and chocolate covered cherries and eat my self into oblivion. But I have 5 kids and an office to run, so I cant do that.

The majority of us know why Aunt Flo visits women every month. For those that don’t, here is a run down: (I suggest google too, because you are truly oblivious if you dont)

Day one, the first day of your period. Periods last for an average of 5days and occur on average every 28 days. What does a period do you ask?

It flushes the uterus of built up tissue that the uterus has made nice and fluffy for the little eggy to burrow into. If the egg does not get fertilized, it all needs to be flushed and the cycle starts over.

Around day 14 a nice warm little eggy hatches from its home in the ovary and floats down the fallopian tube waiting for your husband, or one night stands (if that is how you dig it) sperm. Some of us want that egg to be fertilized and some don’t. That’s wear birth control comes in.

Of course if the egg is not fertilized about 10 days later, you bleed your ass off, have cramps, want to eat pizza, chocolate and pickles until your eyes pop out. You feel like a mess. There is nothing cuter than having bloody thighs and messy pads or tampons to deal with. Even better is when the dog digs through the trash and carries them all over your house, or better yet, the neighbors dog gets into the trash on the sidewalk and your menstrual mess is strewn all over the street.

Next time a man, gives you any shit for my PMS symptoms, just ask him this.

“Would you like it if your balls bled every 28 days?” I don’t think so.  In fact, men are such babies, I am sure they would not function for 12 days.

This is of course a rant of one PMS stricken, breastfeeding, hormonal mother of 5. If you don’t like the language, or bluntness, please don’t come back, I am sure there will be more.